Confessions (or a look into my terrifying mind)

I believe chili is the perfect food. Add macaroni, shredded cheese and diced onion-gastrointestinal nirvana. Ironically my least favorite food? Any bean.

I must have Chapstick on or near my person at all times. It is a compulsion.

I think all of the best and most important things in life begin with the letter F. Faith. Family. Friends. Fun. Fitness. Food.

I cannot allow the battery on any of my apple products to have a percentage countdown. It give me anxiety. I need help.

I also get slightly panicked if I do not have bananas in the house. Again need help.

I think that the only healthy way to lose weight is to change your lifestyle and eat healthy. Conversationally I also think Doritos are manna from heaven and no bake cookies are divine. Thus I am at war with myself.

I believe the only way that America will ever combat and truly correct our obesity issues is to make healthy food cheaper and more accessible to all economic levels. Buying fresh fruits and veggies and lean meats will nearly double your grocery bill. And that is for me, a single person. How is a family of four on a fixed income suppose to do it? Take a look at that Michelle Obama.

I believe that technology is at once our greatest advantage and invention and our biggest curse.

I dance often and randomly. I just shook my groove thing walking through my dining room. When I am unbearably happy about something I want to sing and dance to celebrate that. I would have made a good tribal woman.

In turn I also turn to music when I am unbearably sad or depressed about something. These emotions do not however make me want to dance.

I have an internal jukebox that is always always playing. It is a curse and a blessing.

I love Disney movies. I am unashamed to go see them in the theater without an appropriate Disney aged child.

I do not believe in Valentines Day. I believe it was a "holiday" created to torture those of us who are alone. When is "All the Single Ladies Day" I ask you? When?

I love movies. I probably own 200 DVDs. I prefer period romances, rom/coms and regular coms but also enjoy actions and drama. And dude movies. I cried at the end of The Dark Night Rises. I need help.

I am a cryer. Many things can move me to tears and yet other times I can be surprisingly stoic. While my friends were copiously wiping tears at the end of Les Miserables I was stone faced. Yet Marley and Me left me a puddle.

I cannot watch any type of military departure or homecoming. It breaks my heart and makes me sob. I believe our military and military families are some of the most undervalued and unappreciated of all.

I have to wear a watch at all times and an completely and totally anal about punctuality. I am generally a good 5 minutes early wherever I go. My other curse in life is being surrounded by people who do not share this compulsion. I believe my parents constant tardiness in my youth made me this way.

I believe in good manners. In being kind. If someone texts you, reply. If they email you, reply. If they Facebook you, reply. Sense a trend here?

I love words. I love using big ones, not to sound snooty or smart but because I love the way they roll off my tongue and sound.

And now that I have undoubtedly scared off any and all readers I may have I will conclude this installment of confessions.

Tune in next week for more jewels :)

Happy MLK Day!

We can all find some wisdom & inspiration in the works & thoughts of Martin Luther King Jr.

High Five Friday

The whole High Five Friday thing goes along well with my F theme for this blog.  So without further ado, here are this week's high 5:

1. It's Friday and in a week that has been FOREVER long that is a welcome sight to my sore eyes, tired shin-splinty legs and weary mind.  The fact that I have a fab movie/game night planned for tomorrow with my friends doesn't hurt.  I just hope my somewhat competitive nature does not frighten them away from me. For ever. My passion for Taboo cannot be overstated.

2. Ran a mile three days this week, once after an hour of Zumba (not my brightest move but I was feeling motivated and since that is rare and fleeting I went with it).  It wasn't easy but I did better than I expected and am striving to a) beat my time next week and b) take less walking breaks.  They were few and far between but to make it through the 5K in March they need to be nonexistent. Onward treadmill warrior!

3. After hearing about her from my peeps and pinning several of her recipes on Pinterest I wandered over to The Pioneer Woman's website the other day to check it out.  Oh. My. Word. I am officially obsessed.  I want to make all her recipes, steal her family, move to her ranch and manage to have 1/100,000th of the blog viewers and comments she has.  It's my new goal in life. 

4. iPad-I'm not proud of it but I broke down and bought myself an iPad mini Sunday after church. Best Buy was having one of those suck you in no interest deals and this girl was sucked...so to speak.  But I am love, love, loving it.  And now when I do anything on my iPhone is seems so microscopic.  This "high" has also been instrumental in my complete immersion of all things Pioneer Woman.  I'm not proud of either really.

5. Through my new obsession (see #3) I discovered a recipe for Pico de Gallo and Guacamole that I am making for our game night tomorrow. Why are they capitalized you ask? All Mexican dishes should be-they are that important folks. Apparently my friends were of the same mind because they are making queso, black bean salad and Mexican roll ups. Great minds. So on top of the excitement over time with friends the joy at the prospect of a Mexican appetizer pig out is almost more than I can stand. Drooling a little here.

Addendum to #4-Another high?  I finally realized that if I turned off the battery percentage feature on my new iPad I would quit having heart palpitations as I watched the battery life drain from my device percent by percent.  It was giving me anxiety and I can greater enjoy the iPad experience much more without that looming over my head.  I may or may not be a candidate for some sort of drug.  That is all.

That's all folks!

Oh except-pretty sure my blog title sucks.  But not really sure what to do about it-the pressure to put a title to this mess while creating it was (shocking in the light of #4 ect up there) too much for me.   My normally creative mind blanks.  Any help/ideas/thoughts people?

My Power-walk with God

My pastor is currently doing a series on wisdom and following God's will in our lives. 

And boy, does this chick need to hear these messages. 

See I wholeheartedly believe in God's will.  I know without a doubt in my mind that He has a plan for my life.  That even when things make no sense at all He is in control and it will all be ok.  I believe that truly and deeply.

In fact I even feel (maybe wrongly) that I am pretty good about using God's wisdom and prayer to make decisions in ways that He would want me to.  I could improve on this, obviously-who couldn't?  But I feel relatively competent in this area.

But the issue, for me, comes with finding the patience to wait for God's will & His plan to unfold.  For staying faithful through the seasons of my life that lull and drag on and seem, at times, fruitless and wasteful. That seem like I am constantly waiting...for something.  For answered prayers or unanswered ones. For a husband.  For children.  For some grand purpose in my life to be gloriously revealed. That's what's hard.   That's what I struggle with. 

And that? Ladies and gentlemen that is nothing more than a gigantic control issue.  I, like many of my female (and to be fair, some male) counterparts, enjoy being in control.  Having a mapped out plan.  Following it to get from Point A to Point B.  It has worked in many, many aspects of my life.  School, career, home, car, etc.  These plans have all been checked off efficiently in a timely manner.  It's the husband, the marriage, the babies that I so want that seem to be elusive.  I'm fine with God's will but it's His timing I sometimes take issue with.  I would prefer it line up a little more with my schedule :)  Awful I know.  And I am working on it.  But folks, its not easy.

But a friend in a similar situation lately received some very great advice that I think is something I am going to turn my mind towards when I am struggling with accepting, not so much God's will, but His timing.  What am I supposed to be doing right now that I couldn't do if I were married with kids?  Where does God want me to be that I wouldn't otherwise be able to be if my life were in a different stage?  Good questions and ones that really make you refocus and realize that yes, God does have a plan and no, it doesn't always make sense to us.  But whatever is supposed to happen in our lives will, in His time and according to His plan.  One of my favorite verses sometimes helps me to focus in on those facts when I am having a rough time.

Psalms 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God."

In other words, shut up, let me do my thing and do as you're told.

I'm trying God, I really am.

5k?

So as I wrote in my initial post I am, very apprehensively, thinking about training to run for a 5k this spring. I've tossed the idea around and I just really feel, for whatever reason, it's something I'm meant to do. I think it will be a great goal to have for myself and will hopefully help in the whole get fit, lose weight initiative.

Today after church I voiced this fledgling idea to some friends I was lunching with. And they were so supportive. Tons of you can do its and suggestions and potential race ideas. Reason # 554 why I love Immanuel Baptist Church & my peeps there-more on that later. One friend even invited me to do a race with her in march-the name has escaped me but its one of those super fun ones where they throw paint on you. And so I think I have chosen my first race. Gulp.

And now the terror and doubt sets in. Can I do it? I hope so because I think it will be big for me in lots of ways.

So blog-verse-I need tips. You runners out there! What do I need to be doing? Help a girl out :)

Back at It

Thanks to the power of the Z-pack, steroids and a day off work I was back to Zumba last night.  A great one hour work out-in which I actually found myself helping to lead the class for three songs since one of our instructors was out sick.

Now let me say that I am not, in many ways, a shy person.  Around attractive men, maybe.  In fact my closest friends think it's hilarious that I basically morph into a retiring mute when I'm around a guy I like. This is pretty much an antithesis of my actual personality-I have no issues in other areas of my life being the center of attention.  I'm a dancer, singer, have been in plays, and enjoy telling stories and getting laughs.

But, aside from the hotties, for some reason getting up in front of a group of peers trying to show them how to dance freaks me out.  I can just picture them all saying:

"What is SHE doing up there?"

"She's not a professional."

"She certainly isn't a picture of fitness and health-why am I watching her?"

This is, of course, all in my head as all the ladies in my class are very nice and actually quite supportive of those that are asked to get up there and shake it in the spotlight.

And last night, I was ok with it too.  I just thought, you know what, I've come a long way!  I know these dances back and forth and I love doing them so I just let it go.  I shook and shimmied and sung along and sweated my butt off (a phrase I often wish was not just a figure of speech as I have quite the badonkadonk).

To me that's one of the best things that has come with my weight loss-a greater acceptance of myself in all social situations.  I'm ok-I'm not perfect, nor do I have the perfect body and I probably never will but I am working on both.   And I'm proud of me-the real me-and ok with letting people see it.  And that's ok too.

Pause

My view for the past three days. Sinus infection be gone so I can resume operation healthy eating / exercising my butt off.